The local newscaster was with the crowd of parade watchers, welcoming Santa as he arrived in town, and in a live interview asked a boucey 4 yr old girl if she had talked with this Santa yet to give him her Christmas list. "No" she replied infatically. "Are you going to talk with Santa?" the newscaster asked. "NO" once again was the most definite answer which was not the reaction that he was expecting at all! "Why?" he curiously asked the little one. "Because the real Santa is at the Mall."
The children at the Childrens Liturgy at a Catholic Church were asked to draw a picture of Jesus' family the Sunday before Christmas. After collecting the drawings, the priest noticed that one little boy's drawing depicted an airplane with four heads sticking out of the windows. "I see you drew three heads to show Joseph, Mary and Jesus," he said to the boy. "But who does the fourth head belong to?"
The boy replied, "That's Pontius the pilot."
A Russian couple was walking down the street in St. Petersburg the other night, when the man felt a drop hit his nose. "I think it's raining," he said to his wife.
"No, that felt more like snow to me," she replied.
"No, I'm sure it was just rain, he said."
Well, as these things go, they were about to have a major argument about whether it was raining or snowing. Just then they saw a minor communist party official walking toward them.
"Let's not fight about it," the man said, "let's ask Comrade Rudolph whether it's officially raining or snowing."
As the official approached, the man said, "Tell us, Comrade Rudolph, is it officially raining or snowing?"
"It's raining, of course," he answered and walked on.
But the woman insisted: "I know that felt like snow!"
To which the man quietly replied: "Rudolph the Red knows rain, dear!"
After being away on business for a week before Christmas, Tom thought it would
be nice to bring his girlfriend a little gift.
"How about some perfume?" he asked the cosmetics clerk. She showed him a bottle costing $50.
"That's a bit much," said Tom, so she returned with a smaller bottle for $30.
"Thats still quite a bit," Tom groused. Growing disgusted, the clerk brought out a tiny $15 bottle.
Tom grew agitated, "What I mean," he said, "is I'd like to see something real cheap."
So the clerk handed him a mirror.
A four-year-old boy who was asked to say grace before Christmas eve dinner. The family members bowed their heads in expectation.
He began his prayer with the sign of the cross, then thanked God for all his
friends, naming them one by one. Then he thanked God for Mommy, Daddy, brother, sister, Grandma, Grandpa, and all his aunts and uncles.
Then he began to thank God for the food. He gave thanks for the turkey, the
dressing, the fruit salad, the cranberry sauce, the pies, the cakes, even the
Cool Whip.
Then he paused, and everyone waited ... and waited. After a long silence, the young fellow looked up at his mother and asked, "If I thank God for the
broccoli, won't he know that I'm lying?"
It was the day after Christmas at a Catholic church in San Francisco. The priest of the church was looking over the cradle when he noticed that the baby Jesus was missing from among the figures of the nativity set.
Immediately he turned and went outside and saw a little boy with a red wagon, and in the wagon was the figure of the little infant, Jesus.
So he walked up to the boy and said, "Well, where did you get Him, my fine
friend?"
The little boy replied, "Father, I got him from the church."
"And why did you take him?"
The boy said, "Well,
about a week before Christmas I prayed to the little Lord Jesus and I told him if he would bring me a red wagon for Christmas I would give him a ride around the block in it."
A teacher, Mrs. Jones, asked each of her students how they celebrated Christmas. She called first on young Patrick Murphy.
"Tell me, Patrick, what do you do at Christmas time?"
Patrick addressed the class "Me and my twelve brothers and sistergo to midnight Mass and we sing hymns. Then we come home very late and we put mince pies by the back door and hang up our stockings. Then we go to bed and wait for Father Christmas to comewith all our toys."
"Very nice, Patrick," she said.
"Now, Jimmy Brown, what do you do at Christmas?"
"Me and my sister also go to church with Mum and Dad, and we sing carols. When we get home, we put cookies and beer by the chimney and hang up our stockings. We hardly sleep waiting for Santa Claus to bring our presents."
"That's also very nice, Jimmy," she said.
Realizing that there was a Jewish boy in the class and not wanting to leave him out of the discussion, she asked him the same question.
"Now, Isaac Cohen, what do you do at Christmas?"
"Well, we also sing carols," Isaac responded. Surprised, Mrs. Jones questioned further. "Tell us what you sing."
"Well, it's the same thing every year. Dad comes home from the office. We all pile into the Rolls Royce and drive to his toy factory. When we get inside, we look at all the empty shelves and sing, "What a friend we have in Jesus." Then we all go to the Bahamas for 2 weeks."
It was Christmas time and Little Johnny wanted a new bike for Christmas. He asked his parents if he could have one and his mum said, "Johnny, bikes are too expensive and we can't afford to buy you one. Why don't you write a letter to Santa and maybe he might give you one."
He went to his room and wrote a letter, but he decided to go one step higher.
"Dear Jesus, I've been a good boy this year and would appreciate a new bicycle. Your friend, Johnny" He tore up the letter and took a new piece of paper.
"Dear Jesus, I've been an OK boy this year and I want a new bicycle. Yours truly, Johnny" Well, Johnny tore it up and tried again.
"Dear Jesus, I've thought about being a good boy this year and can I have a bicycle? Johnny" Then, Johnny tore up the letter for a third time as he had enough of writing.
He went for a walk outside and walked as far as he can. He finally found himself in front of a Catholic Church.
He entered the church and kneeled down, not knowing what to do. He got up and looked around, and saw the nativity scene at the front of the church. He walked toward the altar where the scene was located and all of a sudden, he snatched the figure of the Virgin Mary and ran out the church door.
When Johnny got home, he went to the kitchen where he wrapped the statue in newspapers, dumped it in a shoe box, chucked the box in the furthest corner his wardrobe, locked it and wrote this letter:
Jesus, I've got your mother. If you ever want to see her again, send me a bike. Signed, You know who
