Luke walked in to Joe's Barber Shop for his regular haircut.
Joe: "What's up?"
Luke: "I am taking a trip to Rome next month."
Joe: "ROME?! Why would you want to go there? It's a crowded dirty city full of Italians! You'd be crazy to go to Rome! So how ya getting there?"
Luke: "We're taking TWA."
Joe: "TWA?! They're a terrible airline. Their planes are old, their flight attendants are ugly and they are always late! So where you staying in Rome?"
Luke: "We'll be at the downtown International Marriot."
Joe: "That DUMP?! That's the worst hotel in the city! The rooms are small, the service is slow, and they are overpriced. So whatcha doing when you get there?" Luke: "We're going to go see the Vatican and hope to see the Pope."
Joe: "HA! That's rich! You and a million other people trying to see him. He will look like the size of an ant. Boy, good luck on this trip. You're going to need it!" A month later, Luke comes in for his regular haircut.
Joe: "Well, how did that trip to Rome turn out? Betcha TWA gave you the worst flight of your life!"
Luke: "No, quite the opposite. Not only were we on time in one of their brand new planes, but it was full and they bumped us up to first class. The food and wine were wonderful, and I had a beautiful 28 year old flight attendant who waited on me hand and foot."
Joe: "Well, I bet the hotel was just like I described."
Luke: "No, quite the opposite. They had just finished a $25 million remodeling project. It's the finest hotel in Rome now. They were overbooked, so they apologized and gave us the Presidential suite for no extra charge."
Joe: "Well, I KNOW you didn't get to see the Pope!"
Luke: "Actually, we were quite lucky. As we toured the Vatican, a Swiss guard tapped me on the shoulder and explained the Pope likes to personally meet some of the visitors, and if I'd be so kind as to step into this private room and wait, the Pope would personally greet me. Sure enough, after 5 minutes the Pope walked through the door and shook my hand. I knelt down as he spoke a few words to me."
Joe: "Really, what did he say?"
Luke: "He said, “My Son, where'd you get that awful haircut?"
Welcome to the official website of Mick "The Joker". His website will get everyone laughing. Also be sure to check out my Facebook page https://www.facebook.com/mickthejokester/
Thursday, August 19, 2010
John and his pet parrot
A young man named John received a parrot for his birthday. The parrot had a bad attitude and an even worse vocabulary. Every word out of the bird's mouth was rude, obnoxious and laced with profanity. John tried and tried to change the bird's attitude by consistently saying only polite words, playing soft music and anything else he could think of to "clean up" the bird's vocabulary.
Finally, John was fed up and he yelled at the parrot. The parrot yelled back. John shook the parrot and the parrot got angrier and even ruder. John, in desperation, threw up his hands, grabbed the bird and put him in the freezer. For a few minutes the parrot squawked and kicked and screamed. Then suddenly there was total quiet. Not a peep was heard for over a minute.
Fearing that he'd hurt the parrot, John quickly opened the door to the freezer. The parrot calmly stepped out onto John's outstretched arms and said: "I believe I may have offended you with my rude language and actions. I'm sincerely remorseful for my inappropriate transgressions and I fully intend to do everything I can to correct my rude and unforgivable behavior."
John was stunned at the change in the bird's attitude. As he was about to ask the parrot what had made such a dramatic change in his behavior, the bird continued, "May I ask what the turkey did?"
Finally, John was fed up and he yelled at the parrot. The parrot yelled back. John shook the parrot and the parrot got angrier and even ruder. John, in desperation, threw up his hands, grabbed the bird and put him in the freezer. For a few minutes the parrot squawked and kicked and screamed. Then suddenly there was total quiet. Not a peep was heard for over a minute.
Fearing that he'd hurt the parrot, John quickly opened the door to the freezer. The parrot calmly stepped out onto John's outstretched arms and said: "I believe I may have offended you with my rude language and actions. I'm sincerely remorseful for my inappropriate transgressions and I fully intend to do everything I can to correct my rude and unforgivable behavior."
John was stunned at the change in the bird's attitude. As he was about to ask the parrot what had made such a dramatic change in his behavior, the bird continued, "May I ask what the turkey did?"
Wednesday, August 11, 2010
Priest's 25th Anniversary Joke
A Catholic priest was being honored at a dinner celebrating the 25th anniversary of his priesthood. A leading local politician, who was a member of the priest's parish, was chosen to make the presentation and give the keynote speech at the dinner, but he was delayed in traffic, so the priest decided to say his own few words while they waited.
"You will understand," he said, "the seal of the confessional can never be broken, however I got my first impressions of the parish from the first confession I heard here. I can only hint vaguely about this, but when I came here 25 years ago I thought I had been assigned to a terrible place. The very first bloke who entered my confessional told me how he had stolen a television set, and when stopped by the police, had almost murdered the officer! Further, he told me he had embezzled money from his place of business and had an affair with his boss's wife. I was appalled! But as the days went on, I learned that my people were not all like that, and I had, indeed, come to a fine parish full of understanding and loving people."
Just as the priest said his thank you, the politician arrived full of apologies at being late. He immediately began to make the presentation and give his talk.
"I'll never forget the first day our parish priest arrived in this parish," said the politician. "In fact, I had the honour of being the first one to go to him in confession."
"You will understand," he said, "the seal of the confessional can never be broken, however I got my first impressions of the parish from the first confession I heard here. I can only hint vaguely about this, but when I came here 25 years ago I thought I had been assigned to a terrible place. The very first bloke who entered my confessional told me how he had stolen a television set, and when stopped by the police, had almost murdered the officer! Further, he told me he had embezzled money from his place of business and had an affair with his boss's wife. I was appalled! But as the days went on, I learned that my people were not all like that, and I had, indeed, come to a fine parish full of understanding and loving people."
Just as the priest said his thank you, the politician arrived full of apologies at being late. He immediately began to make the presentation and give his talk.
"I'll never forget the first day our parish priest arrived in this parish," said the politician. "In fact, I had the honour of being the first one to go to him in confession."
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)