Elephant Jokes

Q: What is grey and not there?
A: No elephants.

Q: Why are elephants large, grey and wrinkled?
A: Because if they were small, white and smooth they'd be aspirins.

Q: Why are elephants wrinkled?
A: Have you ever tried to iron one?

Q: Why do elephants wear small green hats?
A: So they can sneak across pool tables unobserved.

Q: Why are there so many elephants running around free in the jungle?
A: Tarzan's fridge is not large enough to hold them all.

Q: How many elephants can you actually put in a fridge?
A: Depends on the number of elephants.

Q: What do you get if you take an elephant into the city?
A: Free Parking.

Q: What do you get if you take an elephant into work?
A: Sole use of the elevator.

Q: How does an elephant get down from a tree?
A: It doesn't, you get down from a duck.

Q: How do you get an elephant out of a tree?
A: Stand it on a leaf and wait 'till autumn.

Q: What do you get when you cross an elephant with a kangaroo?
A: Giant holes all over Australia.

Q: How do you know if there is an elephant under the bed?
A: Your nose is touching the ceiling.

Q: Why do elephants wear sandals?
A: So that they don't sink in the sand.

Q: Why do ostriches stick their head in the ground?
A: To look for the elephants who forgot to wear their sandals.

Q: Why shouldn't you go into the woods at 5 o'clock?
A: Because that is when the elephants do their parachute jumping.

Q: Why do elephants paint the soles of their feet yellow?
A: So that they can hide upside-down in bowls of custard

Farm Jokes

Did you hear about the farmer you ploughed his field with a steamroller ?
He wanted to grow mash potatoes!

What did the neurotic pig say to the farmer?
You take me for grunted.

When is a farmer like a magician?
When he turns his cow to pasture.

Why did the farmer call his pig "Ink"?
Because it was always running out of the pen.

What do you call cattle with a sense of humor?
Laughing stock.

How does a farmer count his cattle?
He uses a cowculator.

Why can't the bankrupt cowboy complain?
He has got no beef.

A man is driving down South Western Highway to Bunbury, when he spots a farmer standing in the middle of a huge field of grass. He pulls the car over to the side of the road and notices that the farmer is just standing there, doing nothing, looking at nothing.
The man gets out of the car, walks all the way out to the farmer and asks him, "Ah excuse me sir, but what are you doing?"The farmer replies, "I'm trying to win a Nobel Prize.""How?" asks the man, puzzled."Well, I heard they give the Nobel Prize . . . to people who are out standing in their field."