Penguins

A man is driving down the highway and passes a state motorcycle officer. The officer notices the man and also sees that he has 4 penguins in the backseat of the car. The officer chases down the car and pulls the man over, and after a short inspection of the vehicle says to the driver "what are you doing with 4 penguins in your car?"

To which the man replies "Just taking them for a ride, officer." Visibly upset, the cop instructs the man to take the penguins to the zoo.

The next day the same man is driving down the same highway and is spotted by the same motorcycle cop. Again the cop gives chase and pulls the car over and upon inspection sees the same 4 penguins in the backseat only this time the penguins are wearing bright colored swim trunks and sun glasses.

The cop, really angry this time, says "I thought I told you to take those penguins to the zoo yesterday."

The man smiles and replies "I did! They liked that so much that today I decided to take them to the beach!"

The Church Dictionary

Amen: The only part of a prayer that everyone knows.

• Bulletin:
  • Parish information read only during the homily/sermon.
  • 2. Catholic air conditioning.
  • 3. Your receipt for attending Mass.
• Choir: A group of people whose singing allows the rest of the Congregation to lip-sync.
• Holy Water: A liquid whose chemical formula is H2OLY.
• Hymn: A song of praise, usually sung in a key three octaves higher than that of the congregation's range.
• Recessional Hymn: The last song at Mass, often sung a little more quietly, since most of the people have already left.
• Incense: Holy Smoke!
• Jesuits: An order of priests known for their ability to found colleges with good basketball teams.
• Jonah: The original "Jaws" story.
• Justice: When kids have kids of their own.
• Kyrie Elieison: The only Greek words that most Catholics can recognize besides gyros and baklava.
• Magi: The most famous trio to attend a baby shower.
• Manger:
  • 1. Where Mary gave birth to Jesus because Joseph wasn't covered by an HMO.
  • 2. The Bible's way of showing us that holiday travel has always been rough.
• Pew: A medieval torture device still found in Catholic Churches.
• Procession: The ceremonial formation at the beginning of Mass, consisting of altar servers, the celebrant, and late parishioners looking for seats.
• Recessional: The ceremonial procession at the conclusion of Mass led by parishioners trying to beat the crowd to the parking lot.
• Relics: People who have been going to Mass for so long, they actually know when to sit, kneel, and stand.
• Ten Commandments: The most important Top Ten list not given by David Letterman.
• Ushers: The only people in the parish who don't know the seating capacity of a pew.