Doctor jokes

Why do doctors wear masks?
Because if they make a mistake,the person won't know who did it.

What do you call a doctor with 8 arms?
A doctopus.

Why did the doctor tiptoe past the medicine cabinet?
Because he did not want to wake the sleeping pills!

Doctor,Doctor,I'm turning into a trash can.
Don't talk such rubbish.

Doctor,Doctor,I swallowed a roll of film.
Don't worry,nothing will develop.

Doctor,Doctor,I have a running nose.
You'd better tie it up then.

Doctor,Doctor,I dreamed that I ate a large marshmallow.
Did you wake up without a pillow?

Doctor,Doctor I keep thinking I'm a billiard ball.
Well get back in
the queue.

Jokes about music and the performing arts

What song did the Beatles sing to the pig farmer?
"I wanna hold your ham".

Which Beatles song is about their favourite vegetbale?
"Peas Please me".

Why did MTV give Tutankhamen a music award?
He was the original king of wrap.

Mellie:"Did you ever hear of Al Bee Jackson?"
Kellie:"No.Who was he?"
Mellie:"An Insect who starred in the movie 'The Jazz Stinger'."

What is Elvis Monster's favourite hit song?
"Love you too munch".

Why couldn't the turkey play in the rock band?
He forgot to bring his drumsticks.

Customer:"Where can I find an assortment of classical music?"
Clerk:"Go through the Bach door."

Which cat is a famous rock star?
Mewdonna.

What do you call 2 bees,a wasp and a hornet with violins?
A sting quartet.

Guard:"Elvis is visiting the prison and he wants Chinese food for lunch.What should we do?"
Warden:"Quick!Somebody get the jailhouse wok!"

Who can cash cheques while shooting an apple off his son's head?
William Teller.

Fred:"I come from a music family"
Barney:"I never knew that."
Fred:"Oh yes.Dad drummed his fingers,Auntie Mae blew her nose and
Grandpa fiddled with his beard."

What did the little chicks call their famous rock band?
"The Red Hot Chili Peepers".

History jokes

What does King Arthur and Sir Lancelot watch at 6 o'clock every day?
"The Knightly News".

What does king Arthur use to play golf?
Knight clubs.

Which cat discovered America?
Christopurr Columbus.

Which foundation did Butch Cassidy and Billy the Kid belong to?
The WWF (World Rustling Federation).

Why is it so wet in England?
Because kings and queens have always reigned there.

Which US president had a hard shell?
Abraclam Lincoln.

Monster jokes

How do you make a witch scratch?
Take away the W!

What is a ghoul's favourite ride at the amusement park?
The Roller-Ghoster!

Where is Dracula's office located in New York City?
The Vampire State Building!

Why can't the invisible student pass school?
The teacher always marked him absent!

What is a ghost's favourite bed-time story?
"Little Boo Peep"!

What does a ghost do when he gets into a car?
He puts his sheet-belt on!

Why do skeletons play the piano in church?
Because they have no organs!

Which bear goes around scaring other animals?
Winnie the Boo!

Why did the skeleton run up the tree?
Because a dog was after his bones!