Potty-mouthed parrot

A young man named John received a parrot for his birthday present. The parrot had a bad attitude and an even worse vocabulary. Every word out of the bird's mouth was rude, obnoxious and laced with profanity. 
John tried and tried to change the bird's attitude by consistently saying only polite words, playing soft music and anything else he could think of to "clean up" the bird's vocabulary.

Finally, John was fed up and he yelled at the parrot. The parrot yelled back. John shook the parrot and the parrot got angrier and even ruder. John, in desperation, threw up his hands, grabbed the bird and put him in the freezer. For a few minutes the parrot squawked and kicked and screamed. Then suddenly there was total quiet. Not a peep was heard for over a minute.

Fearing that he'd hurt the parrot, John quickly opened the door to the freezer. The parrot calmly stepped out onto John's outstretched arms and said: "I believe I may have offended you with my rude language and actions. I'm sincerely remorseful for my inappropriate transgressions and I fully intend to do everything I can to correct my rude and unforgivable behavior."

John was stunned at the change in the bird's attitude. As he was about to ask the parrot what had made such a dramatic change in his behavior, the bird continued, "By the way, John, can I ask what the chicken did?"

Typo Error

A Sydney couple booked a holiday to Bali. Because both had jobs, they had difficulty coordinating their travel schedules. It was decided that the husband would fly to Bali first, and his wife would follow him the next day.

Upon arriving as planned, the husband checked into the hotel. There he opened his laptop and sent his wife an e-mail. However, he accidentally left off one letter in her email address and sent the e-mail to the wrong address, without realizing his error.

In Melbourne, a widow had just returned from her husband's funeral. He was a minister of many years who had passed away The widow checked her e-mail expecting messages from relatives and friends.

Upon reading the first message, she fainted and fell to the floor. Hearing the crash, the widow's son rushed into the room, found his mother, and read the e-mail still on the screen.

To: My Loving Wife 

From: Your Departed Husband 

Subject: I've Arrived!

I've just arrived and have been checked in. I see that everything has been prepared for your arrival tomorrow. Looking forward to seeing you then. Hope your journey is as uneventful as mine was.

P.S. It sure is hot up here!