Little Johnny Wants A Bike

Little Johnny wanted a new bike for his approaching birthday.
His mother said, “Bikes are too expensive and we can’t afford to get you one, how about you send a letter to Jesus and ask him.”
Johnny sat down with a pen and paper and started his letter: Dear Jesus, I’ve been a good boy and I would like a new bike. Your Friend, Johnny
He thought about this and decided to start a new letter. Dear Jesus, Sometimes I’m a good boy and I would like a new bike.
He thought about this and decided to write another letter. Dear Jesus, I thought about being a good boy and I would like a new bike.
He thought about this and decided that he didn’t like that one either. He left and went walking around depressed when he went by a house with a small statue of Mother Mary in the front yard. He grabbed the statue and hurried home.
He put the statue under the bed and started his new letter. Dear Jesus, If you want to see your mother again, send me a new bike! Signed, You Know Who

What is our son going to be?

An older couple had a son, who was still living with them. The parents were a little worried, as the son was still unable to decide about his future career. So they decided to do a small test.

      

They put a note on the front hall table that they had left. Around the note they put a ten-dollar bill, a Bible, and a bottle of whiskey. Then they hid, pretending they were not at home.

      

The father told his wife, "If our son takes the money, he will be a businessman, if he takes the Bible, he will be a priest, but if he takes the bottle of whiskey, I'm afraid our son will be a no-good drunkard."

      

So the parents hid in the nearby closet and waited nervously. Peeping through the keyhole they saw their son arrive. The son read the note that they had left.

      

Then he took the ten-dollar bill, looked at it against the light, and slid it in his pocket.

      

After that, he took the Bible, flipped through it, and put it under his arm.

      

Finally, he grabbed the bottle, opened it, and took an appreciative whiff to be assured of the quality. Then he left for his room, carrying all three items.

      

The father slapped his forehead and said: "This is worse than I could ever have imagined!"

      

"What? asked the wife.

"Our son is going to be a politician!"

Nurses In Heaven

Three nurses went to heaven and were awaiting their turn with St. Peter to plead their case to enter the pearly gates.

The first nurse said, "I worked in an emergency room. We tried our best to help patients, even though occasionally we did lose one. I think I deserve to go to heaven." St. Peter looked at her file and admitted her to heaven.

The second nurse said, "I worked in an operating room. It was a very high-stress environment, and we did our best. Sometimes the patients were too sick and we would lose them, but overall we tried very hard." St. Peter looked at her file and admitted her to heaven.

The third nurse said, "I was a case manager for an HMO."

St. Peter looked at her file. He pulled out a calculator and started punching away at it furiously, constantly going back to the nurse's file. After a few minutes, St. Peter looked up, smiled, and said, "Congratulations! You've been admitted to heaven ... for five days!"

Politician and the Butter

A Senator is in a restaurant and the waiter brings over the rolls, but no butter. "May I have some butter, please?" The waiter gives a slight nod and wanders off. Ten minutes later, still no butter. The senator catches his eye.

      

"May I have some butter, Please?"

Still the vaguest of responses, and after ten more minutes, still no butter.

      

"Maybe you don't know who I am," says the senator. "I'm a Princeton graduate, a Rhodes scholar, an All-American basketball player who played with the New York Knicks in the pros, and I'm currently a United States senator, chairman of the International Debt Subcommittee of the Senate Finance Committee, chairman of the Water and Power Subcommittee of the Senate Energy and Natural Resources Committee, and a member of the Senate Select Intelligence Committee."

      

"Maybe you don't know who I am," said the waiter. "I'm the guy who's in charge of the butter".