Because there was a Tiger (Tiger Woods) in the lead!
Why did Tarzan get kicked out of the golf game?
Because he screamed with every swing!
What does Tarzan like at a golf course?
He is there to perfect his swing!
Why can’t you play sports in the jungle?
Because there are Cheetahs!
Why are basketball players bad at eating?
They always dribble!
Why does a golfer bring an extra pair of pants to a golf game?
In case he gets a ‘hole-in-one’!
Why was Cinderella such a bad sportswoman?
Her coach was a pumpkin!
What’s the difference between a dog and a basketball player?
One drools, the other dribbles!
Why did the girls’ soccer team dump Cinderella?
She ran away from the ball!
Why aren't the Socceroos allowed to own a dog?
Because they can't hold on to a lead!
Where is the first tennis match mentioned in the Bible?
When Joseph served in Pharaoh's court.
Why are fish never good Tennis players?
They don't like getting close to the net.
How did the basketball court get wet?
The players dribbled all over it!
Why did the chicken get sent off?
For persistent fowl play!
Why should you be careful playing against a team of big cats?
They might be cheetahs!
Where do religious school children practice sports?
In the prayground!
Why were the two managers sitting around sketching crockery before the start of the game?
It was a cup draw!
Where do football directors go when they are fed up?
The bored room!
Why was the struggling mange seen shaking the club cat?
To see if there was any more money in the kitty!
Manager: Our new midfielder cost ten million. I call him our wonder player
Fan: Why's that?
Manager: Everytime he plays I wonder why I bothered to buy him!
Why do artists never when they play football?
They keep drawing!
Why do managers bring suitcases along to away games?
So that they can pack the defence!
Where do old bowling balls end up?
In the gutter!
Manager: I thought I told you to lose weight. What happened to your three week diet?
Player: I finished it in three days!
What part of a football pitch smells nicest?
The scenter spot!
What's the chilliest ground in the premiership?
Cold Trafford!
How did the footbal pitch end up as triangle?
Somebody took a corner!
Why didn't the dog want to play football?
It was a boxer!
What did they call Dracula when he won the league?
The champire!
Which England player keeps up the fuel supply?
Paul gas coin!
Manager: I'll give you fifty pounds a week to start with and a hundred pounds a week in a year's time?
Young player: OK, I'll come back in a year's time!
Manager: Twenty teams in the league and you lot finish bottom?
Captain: Well, it could have been worse.
Manager: How?
Captain: There could have been more teams in the league!
What did the footballer say when he accidentally burped during a game?
Sorry, it was a freak hic! (free kick)
Why are football grounds odd?
Because you can sit in the stands but can't stand in the sits!
What do you get if you drop a piano on a team's defence?
A flat back four!
Why did the goal post get angry?
Because the bar was rattled!
What is the bank manager's favourite type of football?
Fiver side!
What part of a football ground is never the same?
The changing rooms!
What should a football team do if the pitch is flooded?
Bring on their subs!
Our team is doing so badly that "Manager of the Month" isn't an award.
It's an appointment!
Did you hear about the football team who ate too much pudding?
They got jellygated!
Which insect didn't play well in goal?
The fumble bee!
What did the bumble bee striker say?
Hive scored!
What is black and white and black and white and black and white?
A Collingwood fan rolling down a hill!
What are Brazilian fans called?
Brazil nuts!
Why did a footballer take a piece of rope onto the pitch?
He was the skipper!
How do hens encourage their football teams?
They egg them on!
What lights up a football stadium?
A football match!
If you have a referee in football, what do you have in bowls?
Cornflakes!
Why aren't football stadiums built in outer space?
Because there is no atmosphere!
Where do spiders play their FA Cup final?
Webley stadium!
When fish play football, who is the captain?
The team's kipper!
Ref: I'm sending you off
Player: What for?
Ref: The rest of the match!
Why is it that birds are quickly sold when they come up on the transfer market?
They tend to go cheep!
What is a goal keepers favourite snack?
Beans on post!
How do you stop squirrels playing football in the garden?
Hide the ball, it drives them nuts!
What's tennis players favourite city?
Volley wood!
How does a physicist exercise?
By pumping ion!
Why does someone who runs marathons make a good student?
Because education pays off in the long run!
What is a runner's favourite subject in school?
Jog-raphy!
What does Paul Inces mum make for Christmas?
Ince pies!
What does a footballer and a magician have in common?
Both do hat tricks!
Which football team loves ice-cream?
Aston Vanilla!
Which goal keeper can jump higher than a crossbar?
All of them, a crossbar can't jump!
Why do grasshoppers not go to many football matches?
They prefer cricket matches!
What stories are told by basketball players?
Tall stories!
Who won the race between two balls of string?
They we're tied!
Why are football players never asked for dinner?
Because they're always dribbling!
Why did the footballer hold his boot to his ear?
Because he liked sole music!
What tea do footballers drink?
Penaltea!
Where do footballers dance?
At a football!
