Haircut Jokes

Q: Whats the difference between a good barber and a bad barber? 

A: About two weeks.

A man was coming out of a new barber shop which he decided to try out. He met his friend and his friend asked him if the barber did a good job. He replied ” the haircut looks fine but I didn’t like the four-letter words  he used when cutting my hair.” “What did he say?” his friend asked? “Oops!” the man replied.
I  have a barbershop in New York City. One day a priest walked in for a haircut. When I finished, I told him not to pay since he is doing G-D’s work. The next morning he came by with a nice bouquet of flowers. About a week later, a cop came in, and I told him, “Thanks for you service to society, please don’t pay.” The next morning, he dropped by with some coffee and donuts. A couple of weeks later a lawyer came in, and after his haircut I thanked him for his service to the justice system and told him,”No need to pay!” The next morning he came by and dropped off another 5 lawyers!

A man and a boy go into a barber’s. The man has a trim then says to the boy, "You get your hair cut while I go to the supermarket and get some shopping." 

The boy has his hair cut but the man does not return. 

"Looks like your dad’s forgotten you’re here," says the barber. 

"That wasn’t my dad," replies the boy. "That guy grabbed me on the street, said “How would you like a free haircut” and dragged me in here."

A priest went into a barbershop and got his hair cut. He then asked how much he owed the barber. "No charge, Father," the barber said. "I consider it a service to the Lord." When the barber arrived at his shop the next morning, he found a dozen small prayer booklets on the stoop along with a thank you note from the minister.

A few days later, a police officer came in. "How much do I owe you?" the cop asked after his haircut. "No charge, officer," the barber answered. "I consider it a service to my community." The next morning the barber found a dozen doughnuts on the stoop along with a thank you note from the police officer.

A few days after that, a Senator walked in for a haircut. "How much do I owe you?" he asked afterward. "No charge, the barber replied. "I consider it a service to my country." The next morning when he arrived at the shop, the barber found a dozen Senators waiting on the stoop.

A young boy had just gotten his driving permit. 

He asked his father, who was a minister, if they could discuss the use of the car. His father took him to his study and said to him, "I'll make a deal with you. You bring your grades up, study your bible a little and get your haircut and we'll talk about it." 

After about a month the boy came back and  asked again, his father if they could discuss use of the car. They again went to the father's study where his father said, "Son, I've been real proud of you. You have brought your grades up, you've studied your bible diligently, but, you didn't get your haircut!" 

The young man waited a moment and replied, "You know Dad, I've been thinking about that. You know, Samson had long hair, Moses had long hair, Noah had long hair, and even Jesus had long hair............ " 

To which his father replied....... "Yes, and they walked every where" 

A man walks into a barber’s shop and asks how many people are waiting to be served. ‘I’ve got three cuts and a shave booked this morning,’ replies the barber.
The man leaves but comes back the next day, ‘How many are waiting today?’ he asks. ‘I’ve got two cuts, a dye-job and a shave,’ replies the barber.
Next day the man is back with the same question, and the barber tells him, ‘Four cuts and a wash.’ This goes on for weeks until the barber gets suspicious – perhaps the man is a rival planning on opening his own barber shop in the area. Perhaps he wants to find out how much business he can expect.
To solve the mystery he gets his assistant to follow the man the next time he drops by. Next day the man comes in, asks his usual question and leaves, this time trailed by the assistant. When the assistant gets back, the barber says, ‘Well? Who is he? Where did he go?’ The assistant replies, ‘I don’t know who he is, but he seems to be a friend of your wife. He just went round to your house.’

A man walked in to Joe’s Barber Shop for his regular haircut. As he snips away, Joe asks “What’s up?”

The man proceeds to explain he’s taking a vacation to Rome. “ROME?!” Joe says, “Why would you want to go there? It’s a crowded dirty city full of Italians! You’d be crazy to go to Rome! So how ya getting there?” “We’re taking TWA,” the man replies.

“TWA?!” yells Joe. “They’re a terrible airline. Their planes are old, their flight attendants are ugly and they’re always late! So where you staying in Rome?” The man says “We’ll be at the downtown International Marriot.” “That DUMP?!” says Joe. “That’s the worst hotel in the city! The rooms are small, the service is surly and slow and they’re overpriced! So whatcha doing when you get there?” The man says “We’re going to go see the Vatican and hope to see the Pope.”

“HA! That’s rich!” laughs Joe. “You and a million other people trying to see him. He’ll look the size of an ant. Boy, good luck on THIS trip. You’re going to need it!”

A month later, the man comes in for his regular haircut. Joe says, “Well, how did that trip to Rome turn out? Betcha TWA gave you the worst flight of your life!” “No, quite the opposite” explained the man. “Not only were we on time in one of their brand new planes, but it was full and they bumped us up to first class. The food and wine were wonderful, and I had a beautiful 28 year old flight attendant who waited on me hand and foot!”

“Hmmm,” Joe says, “Well, I bet the hotel was just like I described.” “No, quite the opposite! They’d just finished a $25 million remodeling. It’s the finest hotel in Rome, now. They were overbooked, so they apologized and gave us the Presidential suite for no extra charge!”

“Well,” Joe mumbles, “I KNOW you didn’t get to see the Pope!” “Actually, we were quite lucky. As we toured the Vatican, a Swiss guard tapped me on the shoulder and explained the Pope likes to personally meet some of the visitors, and if I’d be so kind as to step into this private room and wait, the Pope would personally greet me. Sure enough, after 5 minutes the Pope walked through the door and shook my hand. I knelt down as he spoke a few words to me.”

Impressed, Joe asks, “Tell me, please! What’d he say?” “Oh, not much really, he just said, “Where’d you get that dreadful haircut?"