Olympics Jokes

This is how the Beijing 2008 logo came about

Q: What do you call a sporting event for pigs?

A: The Olympigs!

Q: What award was given to the Olympic sneezing champion?

A: A cold medal!

Q: Why are the Olympics held in Beijing, but not on the moon?

A: Because there is no atmosphere on the moon!

Q: Why isn't suntanning an Olympic sport?

A: Because the best you can ever get is bronze.

Q: Why did they send the Olympic judge out in search of the lost wedding ring?

A: Because he was a medal detector.

Q: Why were the Canadian athletes upset?

A: Because everyone kept thinking they were from the US, eh?

Q: Where does the track team keep its medals?

A: In the pole vault.

Q: Why was the racewalker disqualified?

A: Because her nose was running.

Q: What's a horse's favorite event?

A: The mare-athon.

Q: Why is the track team so talkative?

A: Because they're always discus-ing.

It is the Olympic men's figure skating. Out comes the Russian competitor, he skates around to some classical music in a slightly dull costume, performs some excellent leaps but without any great artistic feel for the music.

The Judges' scores read: England: 5.8 USA: 5.9 Russia: 5.9 Australia: 5.9 Ireland: 6.0

Next comes the Australian competitor in a sparkling green and gold costume, skating to some rock and roll music. The Aussie gets the crowd clapping, but is not technically as good as the Russian. He slightly misses landing a triple spin and loses the center during a spin. But, artistically, it is a more satisfying performance.

The Judges' scores read: England: 5.8 USA: 5.7 Russia: 5.6 Australia: 5.9 Ireland: 6.0

Finally out comes the Irish competitor wearing a tatty old donkey jacket, with his skates tied over his willies. He skates to U2's 'Beautiful Day'. As it starts, he reaches the ice, trips straight away and bangs his nose which starts bleeding. He tries to get up, staggers a few paces then slips again. He spends his entire 'routine' getting up then falling over again. Finally he crawls off the ice a tattered and bleeding mess.

The Judges' scores read: England: 0.0 USA: 0.0 Russia: 0.0 Australia: 0.0 Ireland: 6.0

The other 4 judges turn to the Irish judge and demand in unison, "How the heck can you give that mess 6.0???!!"

To which the Irish judge replies "You've got to remember, it's darn slippery out there."

Barack Obama is making a speech about the 2012 London Olympics. He said, "O... O... O... O... O..." His aide tapped him on the shoulder and said, "Mr. President, that's the Olympic rings. Your speech is over here."