AFL Jokes

A young Hawthorn fan scores some tickets off a scalper for the Hawthorn vs Collingwood game at the MCG. The seat sucks but its all they had. Early in the first quarter, he notices an empty seat up in the first few rows.... Halfway through the game, the seat is still vacant, so he wanders down to it..... he asks the man sitting next to the empty seat what the deal is with the empty seat.... the man replies "This seat was for my wife but she died a few days ago...." The man knods in acknowledgment, but before he goes he asks "How come you didnt just give the extra ticket to a friend or family member?" The man replies: "They're all at the funeral"

It is likely that the AFL competition will have to be cancelled. Under the new Anti Terrorism Laws the Bombers are banned, the new IR legislation rules out the Dockers and the asian bird flu epidemic is wrecking havoc with the Crows, Eagles, Hawks, Magpies and Swans. Any transfers to the Cats, Lions, Dogs and Tigers must now be quarantined for at least 12 months. Religious vilification laws mean that no one can legally barrack for the Demons or the Saints.

Carlton are playing against St Kilda, a so Blues fan walked into local pub with his little dog under his arm to watch the game. The dog was wearing a Blues jumper, and was festooned with navy blue and white pom-poms. The bartender said, "Hey! No pets are allowed in here! You'll have to leave!"The guy begged him, "Look, I'm desperate. We're both mad Carlton fans, our TV is broken, and this is the only place around where we can see the game!" After securing a promise that the dog will behave, and warning him that he and the dog will be thrown out if there's any trouble, the bartender relented and allowed them to stay in the bar and watch the game. The big game began with the Carlton winning the toss and Chris Judd marked and goaled from 30 metres out directly in front. With that, the dog jumped up on the bar, and began walking up and down the bar giving high-fives to everyone.The bartender said, “Wow that is the most amazing thing I've ever seen! What does the dog do when the Blues score a behind?"The owner replied, “I don't know, I've only had him for 4 years."

The coach of the Geelong Football Club’s Under 18s team walked into the change room before a game, looked over to his star player and said, "I'm not supposed to let you play since you failed math, but we need you in there. So what I have to do is ask you a math question and if you get it right, you can play." The player agreed, and the coach looked into his eyes intently and asks, "Okay, now concentrate...what is two plus two?" The player thought for a moment and then he answered, "Four?" "Four?!?" the coach exclaimed, excited that he got it right. At that, all his teammates began screaming, "Come on coach, give him another chance!"

A doctor at an insane asylum decided to take his patients to the Anzac Day game between Collingwood Magpies and Essendon Bombers at the MCG. For weeks in advance, he coached his patients to respond to his commands.When the day of the game arrived, everything seemed to be going well. They barracked for Bombers. As the National Anthem started, the doctor yelled, "Up Nuts" And the patients complied by standing up. After the anthem, he yelled, "Down Nuts". And they all sat back down in their seats. After Bombers captain Matthew Lloyd kicked the opening goal of the match, the doctor yelled, "Cheer Nuts". They all broke into applause and cheered. When the umpire penalised the star of the Essendon, Scott Lucas, for a push in the back, the Doctor yelled, "Booooo Nuts!!!" and they all started booing and cat calling. Thinking things were going very well, the doctor decided to go get a beer and a meat pie, leaving his assistant in charge. When he returned, there was a brawl involving more than a dozen players in progress. Finding his assistant, the doctor asked," What in the world happened? "The assistant replied, "Well, everything was going just fine till a Collingwood supporter passed by and yelled PEANUTS!"