Satan's Appearance

One bright, beautiful Sunday morning, everyone in the town got up early and went to the local church. Before the services started, the townspeople were sitting in their pews. Suddenly, Satan appeared at the front of the church. Everyone started screaming and running for the entrance, trampling each other in a frantic effort to get away from an evil incarnate.

Soon everyone was evacuated from the church, except for one elderly gentleman who sat calmly in his pew, not moving ... seemingly oblivious to the fact that God's ultimate enemy was in his presence.

Now this confused and irritated the Devil a bit, so he walked up to the man and said, "Don't you know who I am?"

"Yep, sure do," the elderly man said.

Satan asked, "Aren't you afraid of me?"

This time the man said, "Nope, sure I am not!"

Satan, a little more perturbed at this, asked, "Why aren't you afraid of me?"

The man calmly replied, "I have been married to your sister for 56 years."

Chinese Jews

Two Jews Sid and Al were sitting in a Chinese restaurant. "Sid," asked Al, "Are there any Jews in China?" "I don't know," Sid replied. "Why don't we ask the waiter?" When the waiter came by, Al said, "Do you have any Chinese Jews?" "I don't know sir, let me ask," the waiter replied and he went into the kitchen. He quickly returned and said, "No, sir. No Chinese Juice." "Are you sure?" Al asked. "I will check with our manager, sir." the waiter replied and went back to the kitchen. While he was still gone, Sid said, "I cannot believe there are no Jews in China. Our people are scattered everywhere." When the waiter returned he said, "Sir, no Chinese Juice." "Are you really sure?" Al asked again. "I cannot believe you have no Chinese Jews." "Sir, I asked everyone," the waiter replied exasperated. "We have orange juice, prune juice, tomato juice and grape juice, but no one ever heard of Chinese juice!"