Three Wishes

Three men -- an editor, a photographer, and a journalist -- are covering a political convention in Miami. They decide to walk up and down the beach during their lunch hour. Halfway up the beach, they stumble upon a lamp. As they rub the lamp, a genie appears and says, "Normally I would grant you three wishes, but since there are three of you, I will grant you each one wish."

The photographer goes first. "I would like to spend the rest of my life living in a huge house in St. Thomas with no money worries." The genie grants him his wish and sends him on off to St. Thomas.

The journalist goes next. "I would like to spend the rest of my life living on a huge yacht cruising the Mediterranean with no money worries." The genie grants him his wish and sends him off to the Mediterranean.

Last, but not least, it's the editor's turn. "And what would your wish be?" asks the genie.

"I want them both back after lunch," replies the editor. "The deadline for tomorrow's newspaper is in about ten hours."

A Drunk Irishman

An old Irishman had been drinking at the pub all night. The bartender finally says that the bar is closing. So the Irishman stands up to leave and falls flat on his face. He tries to stand one more time, same result.
He figures he'll crawl outside and get some fresh air and maybe that will sober him up. Once outside he stands up and falls flat on his face.So he decides to crawl the 4 blocks to his home and when he arrives at the door he stands up and falls flat on his face.
He crawls through the door into his bedroom. When he reaches his bed he tries one more time to stand up. This time he manages to pull himself upright but he quickly falls right into bed and is sound asleep as soon as his head hits the pillow.
The next morning, his wife asked him, "Were you out drinking last night?"
"How did you know?" he asks, putting on an innocent look. His wife replied, "The bartender just called to tell me that you left your wheelchair at the pub again!!!"