Picking Up Clothes

Weary of constantly picking clothes up from the floor of her son's room, a mother finally laid down the law. Each item of clothing she had to pick up would cost her son 25 cents.

By the end of the week, he owed her $1.50. She received the money promptly, along with a 50-cent tip and a note that read:

"Thanks, Mom. Keep up the good work!"

Little Johnny's Prescription

Because of an ear infection, Little Johnny, had to go to the pediatrician. The doctor directed his comments and questions to Little Johnny in a professional manner. When he asked Little Johnny, "Is there anything you are allergic to?" Little Johnny nodded and whispered in his ear. Smiling, the pediatrician wrote out a prescription and handed it to Little Johnny's mother. She tucked it into her purse without looking at it.

As the pharmacist filled the order, he remarked on the unusual food-drug interaction Little Johnny must have. Little Johnny's mother looked puzzled until he showed her the label on the bottle. As per the doctor's instructions, it read, "Do not take with broccoli."

Picture Menu

I stopped at the local Burger King for a cold drink and was reading the menu over the counter. I noticed a sign to the side that stated "Picture Menu Available".

I had to ask the clerk what it was for and she told me that they had a number of customers who couldn't read and they used that.

Of course I asked how they would know this picture menu was available and her answer was the classic, "Well, it says so on the sign, doesn't it?"

The French-speaking Pig

A circus advertises a new act: a pig that can speak French.
A trainer walks onto the arena carrying a small pig with a blue ribbon and a wooden mallet.
The trainer asks, "Parlez-vous français?" and taps the pig with the mallet. The squeals "Oui... Oui... Oui..."

(Oui is French for yes)

Ugliest Man In The World

One day, Hercules, Snow White and the Quasimodo (Hunchback of Notre Dame) were standing around talking. Hercules spoke up and said, "I bet I am the strongest man in the world."

Snow White then looked around and said, "Well I bet that I am the most beautiful person in the world."

Then Quasimodo looks around and quietly said, "I suppose that I am the ugliest man in the world."

An old man who had been listening in on there conversation said, "There is a psychic on top of that hill up there, why don't you each go in there and ask her yourself?"

The three friends agreed and they hiked to the top of the hill. Hercules went in first and came out a few minutes later and said, "I was right, I am the strongest man in the world."

Snow White went in next. She came out a few minutes later and said, "I was also right, I am the most beautiful person in the world."

Finally it was Quasimodo turn. He went in and after a few minutes he came out scratching his head. He looks up at his friends and said:

"Who is Donald Trump?"

The Three Little Pigs

The Three Little Pigs went out to dinner one night. The waiter came and took their drink order.

"I would like a Sprite," said the first little piggy.

"I would like a Coke," said the second little piggy.

"I want water, lots and lots of water," said the third little piggy.

The drinks were brought out and the waiter took their orders for dinner.

"I want a nice big steak," said the first piggy.

"I would like a parmigiana," said the second piggy.

"I want water, lots and lots of water," said the third little piggy.

The meals were brought out and a while later the waiter approached the

table and asked if the piggies would like any dessert.

"I want a banana split," said the first piggy.

"I want a cheesecake," said the second piggy.

"I want water, lots and lots of water," exclaimed the third little piggy.

"Pardon me for asking," said the waiter to the third little piggy, "But I'm curious to know why have you only ordered water all evening?"

The third piggy said, "Well, somebody has to go 'Wee, wee, wee, all the way home!”